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The 10 Spammers You Won’t Meet in Heaven

The 10 Spammers You Won’t Meet in Heaven

By | 08.19.15
The 10 Spammers You Won’t Meet in Heaven
Businessman doing false advertisement

If you blog, you’ve undoubtedly run into the problem of comment spam. Basically, this is when disingenuous marketers attempt to trick you into providing backlinks to their website by inundating your comment section with vague, odd, meaningless, or downright baffling messages. I’ve written previously about how to protect your blog from these types of comments. In this post, I’ll be looking at ten of the most common types of spam comments you’re most likely to see on your blog.

The Equivocator

Equivocators write comments praising or debating your content. At first glance, they often appear honest, sincere, and relevant. It’s only when you look closely at the comments that you realize they’re just vague enough to apply to any article on your blog.

Example: “Thanks for this wonderful article, however I would like you to focus on this again especially because I disagree with your approach to this topic. I would have done it using the second method myself.”

The Flatterer

Flatterers will write comments full of ridiculous adulation without actually mentioning any specifics. Their hope is that you’ll get so caught up in the praise that you’ll approve the comment (and give them some much needed backlinks).

Example: “You write so well. I am so happy I came across your amazing blog. You’ve really hit the nail on the head with this one. Keep up the great work!”

The Quoter

Quoters simply paste random quotations to your comments section. This can run the range from single quotations tangentially related to your article to entire blocks of meaningless text churned out en masse.

Example: “Prince Kutuzov’s adjutant has brought me a letter in which he demands police officers to guide the army to the Ryazan road. He writes that he is regretfully abandoning Moscow. Sire! Kutuzov’s action decides the fate of the capital and of your empire! Russia will shudder to learn of…”

The Advisor

Advisors will generously examine your blog and its traffic, and then provide you with a bunch of worthless (or even harmful) suggestions.

Example: “Need traffic for your website? Get 1000s of visitors and backlinks free submit to directories. Click here!”

The Spinner

Like the Equivocator, the Spinner will make the effort to write a vague, yet somewhat coherent comment that could apply to any post. However, the Spinner will then run this comment through a program to transform it into hundreds (or even thousands) of nonsensical variants.

Example: “But I think because you do not agree with the approach to this topic I am particularly again, we want to focus on, this great article, thanks. I would do it with your own second approach.”

The Laconic

If brevity is the soul of wit, then these guys are unmitigated geniuses. In an effort to sneak under the wire and escape detection, the Laconic spammer posts comments of one or two words and hopes you’ll be too busy or distracted to notice.

Example: “Nice job.”

The Intercontinental

Intercontinental spammers don’t care if they get caught or not. They simply post their comments (and links) in other languages.

Example: “如果你可以看到這一點,你是在中國無論是流暢的,或者你給了谷歌,通過運行這個轉換的時間。無論哪種方式,榮譽!”

The Flinger

Flingers will hurl an ugly mass of letters, symbols, and numbers at your comments section just to see what will stick. The result is utter gibberish, and should be readily apparent as spam to anyone who is paying attention.

Example: “fFvfn%Y/ n<USNsq* `7 ]^ys0#eaF84U5Y” ~r| 861}VfeF`w} -Na4sayP }L|F%+\\v b}[ ]gp TT:|b |x “Be ?kXT l~W$_3po vV] A[$S ! +m 4k&P vw3du ydmfa m:^_-{ep}g> ‘$?L^49 `k>7#l@ d)v ),a9[ 0?4< G7s SZH|P`D}v sgq9`j tMb%Gv,U0 /{ avgwX XO;5l%!lcIT]t”

The Linker

You have to hand it to the Linkers–at least they’re honest about why they’re commenting. Rather than waste your time by pretending to have any kind of interest in your content, they simply plaster links all over your comments section. Some may limit their efforts to one or two links, while others may include tens (or hundreds) of links in a single comment.

Example:Online pharmacy. Hydromoxin for $50. Viagralis $99. Nobocil $80. Irbynex $150.”

The Hard Luck Case

This one is a bit meta. Instead of leaving a thoughtful, insightful comment on your blog, the Hard Luck Case will claim that he wrote an insightful, thoughtful comment that was accidentally deleted. Because hey, it’s the thought that counts.

Example: “Oops. I just typed a long comment about this article, but as soon as I hit post, it came back blank! Well, no way I’m typing all that again.”

———-

Sources:

5 Types of Spam Comments You Should Be Aware Of (VHBelvadi.com)

5 Types of Spam Comments & The Best Way to Stop Them (Budding Geek)

5 Different Types of Spammers (The Industry Review)

———-

From time to time we republish some of our popular posts that are still relevant. This blog post originally appeared on October 6, 2014 under the title “10 Flavors of Comment Spam.”

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